ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
