The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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