Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
