Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
