your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
