She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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