Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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