dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
