Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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