12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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