A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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