Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
