ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
