How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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