As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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