yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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