you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
