You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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