i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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