Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Is it because I queefed?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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