I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
