I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
