I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
