She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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