Barsexuality is the new black.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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