i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize