i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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