a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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