how can u be prego again
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
