would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
