Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
operation have a gay friend backfired
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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