i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
