you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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