he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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