I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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