I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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