we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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