The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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