I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
