Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
