If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
