mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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