Betty ford says i'm here all night
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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