sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
