worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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