Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize