there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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