Quick, to the slutcave!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
