Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I FOUND THE LEGS
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
