I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
