If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize