take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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