so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
