Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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