I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize