you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
and you fell through a lawn chair
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
