Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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