No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
