Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
