before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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