Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
