theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
