I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
